It takes everything I have to pretend I’m fine. To put this smile on my face like everything I have ever known in my life isn’t about to be ripped to shreds. I’m an ass 99% of the time, and I don’t know what else to do. I want this guilt that eats away at me to quit for one damn night. I want to breathe and it not be affected by words and thoughts of what else is expected of me or what else will make other people happy. I’m just tired. I’m sorry. That’s all I have left. It seems all there seems to be is take, take, take and I don’t have much else for you. There’s not a whole lot of who I used to be left.

I flip open the book in front of me and land on a picture of Peter Pan leading Wendy out her window to Neverland, which warms and breaks my heart at the same time. It reminds me of my childhood, and when I believed in shit like that. When I believed that when something goes wrong and the monsters decide to come for you, some fantastical imaginary friend from the box of VHS tapes under the tv would somehow just know that you were in trouble and would come to your rescue. It’s such a bitch when the day comes where you finally have to shed your fantasies, and no matter how long you try and put it off, you eventually and unfortunately have to grow up. Because after your teenage years start melting away, after all the beer bongs, backseats and premature broken hearts, life will inevitably start dragging you kicking and screaming headfirst into adulthood, and you have no say in the matter. There’s no rewind button, and you can only put yourself on pause for so long after the moment when you realize that your parents aren’t super heroes and that they aren’t always going to be there to fight your battles for you. There’s always going to be periods of time in life when it’s going to be just you, and that if you’re going to make it, you have to be your own hero within a reality that can be so hard to stomach. In my heart I know that nobody’s going to come rescue me from this, and that it really is all up to me. Nobody’s going to come for me in the way that I want them to. Nobody’s going to save me. So whatever, fuck it. I guess I’ll just do it myself. I’ll save me instead. But god fucking damn it, I wish he was real. I wish that I was someone’s Wendy Darling. I wish that someone braver and stronger than me would show up out of the blue and rush me off to the sky and to a place where I would be young forever. But it was in that moment, this moment, that I let the fantasies fade and accepted the reality that I’ve stumbled into, and that I will learn how to fight my monsters on my own if I have to. But if for whatever reason all our fantasies ever decide to switch places with our bitter realities, and it does actually fucking happen, if I ever break free from this rusty cage and fly, then so help me God, if you’re like me and you’re ever in trouble, expect me, because I will fucking come back for you. I promise.

I let out a melodramatic sigh and roll my eyes at myself and my constant stream of overly-analytical poetic thoughts. I stare at the picture for a few seconds, reluctantly pick up a green crayon off the table, and slowly begin adding color to the blank page.
An excerpt from Caged Boy Sings: the movie extravaganza.  Or maybe I meant to say book.  You’ll find out soon enough, but either way, it’s coming soon.  (via cagedboysings)

I really think that there is some injustice in this world that he has not been the sexiest man alive… Or at least nominated!

You won’t be able to see it, but you’ll feel it every day for the rest of your lives. It’ll be a kind of a darkness around your heart.


 How unfaithful man started praying. How an angel lost his wings trying to fix the world. How a boy went too far, with nothing but good intentions. 
Paramore - I'm Not Angry Anymore [Interlude]
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I’m Not Angry Anymore // Paramore

I’m not angry anymore,
Well, sometimes I am.
I don’t think badly of you,
Well, sometimes I do…

And I know you left because I was too heavy of a burden.

Because I tried to find a savior in the body of a boy with a hungry mouth,

Who didn’t understand fractured things.

I’m sorry I thought you could carry this weight on your shoulders;

I’m sorry this bed is half-empty.

Emily Palermo, Half-Empty (via s-0-m-e-o-f-t-h-e-s-e-d-a-y-s)


Sometimes your world cracks. Bleeds. You’ll have red rivers running through your pale sand and tearful rain falling from your cloudy eyes. But the magic on life is that we heal. Our bodies will mend. The cracks will seal. The bleeding will slow. The rivers will heal over and leave peaceful scars….

Once More With Feeling: Favourite lines (Part One)

Seriously my favorite episode!